Why We’re Wired for Connection: The Neuroscience of Belonging

I work for myself and I am a widow, which means I spend a lot of time alone.

And honestly? I like it.

I’m comfortable in my own skin. I enjoy the quiet. When life gets busy, I actually crave time on my own. But even someone as content with their own company as me still needs connection.. That’s not a contradiction — it’s biology.

We’re social beings (yes, even the introverts)

Humans are wired for connection. From a neuroscience perspective, our brains are literally built to relate to others. Belonging isn’t a “nice to have”; it’s a core human need, right up there with safety and food.

Even introverts — and I include myself here — don’t want less connection. We want the right kind of connection. The sort that feels aligned, easy and meaningful.

Those moments matter more than we often realise:

• A conversation that sparks a new idea

• Feeling understood or valued by someone who “gets” you

• Time with family or friends that brings warmth, joy and love

  
  

These experiences activate reward centres in the brain, releasing chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin — the hormones linked to motivation, trust and bonding. In simple terms, connection makes us feel good because it’s meant to.

The quiet creep of isolation

For many people, connection has quietly slipped away.

Working from home has brought flexibility, autonomy and focus — all hugely positive changes. But for some, especially those who live alone or work independently, it has also reduced everyday human contact.

We’ve long known that isolation in older people is a major risk factor for both mental and physical health issues — from depression to heart disease. Loneliness has been shown to be as damaging to health as smoking or obesity.

What’s more concerning is that we’re now seeing similar patterns in younger generations.

Always connected, yet increasingly lonely

On the surface, younger people are more connected than ever — constantly messaging, scrolling, liking and sharing. Yet many report feeling deeply isolated.

Why?

Because digital connection doesn’t always equal felt connection. Our brains evolved for face-to-face interaction: tone of voice, eye contact, shared experience, moments of being truly seen. Social media can create comparison, pressure and exclusion rather than belonging.

We end up connected to everyone, but close to no one.

Connection at work doesn’t mean going back to the office

When we talk about connection at work, it can sometimes sound like a thinly disguised argument for dragging everyone back into the office full-time. That’s not what this is.

Flexible, remote and hybrid working are here to stay — and for good reason. The issue isn’t where we work, it’s how connected we feel while we’re doing it.

For people working from home or in hybrid roles, connection needs to be designed, not left to chance.

Small moments, done intentionally

In offices, connection often happened by accident — a chat in the kitchen, a shared eye-roll in a meeting, a quick “how are you really?” on the way out.

Remote and hybrid working remove those moments, so we have to replace them on purpose.

That doesn’t mean endless meetings or forced fun. In fact, that often does the opposite. What helps is:

• Creating space for real conversation, not just task updates

• Starting meetings with a human check-in, rather than diving straight into the agenda

• Making time for one-to-one conversations that aren’t purely transactional

• Being mindful of who speaks — and who doesn’t — in virtual spaces

  
  

Often, it’s the smallest changes that make people feel seen and included.

Belonging in a hybrid world

Hybrid working can unintentionally create an “in group” and an “out group” — those who are physically present and those who aren’t. Our brains are highly sensitive to this. Feeling overlooked or peripheral triggers the same threat responses as exclusion.

Leaders and teams can counter this by:

• Designing meetings so everyone joins in the same way

• Sharing information consistently, not just through corridor conversations

• Valuing outcomes over visibility

• Actively recognising contribution, wherever it happens

  
  

Belonging comes from feeling that your presence matters, even when you’re not physically present.

Why connection protects our mental and physical health

From a neuroscience perspective, genuine connection:

• Reduces stress hormones like cortisol

• Calms the nervous system

• Improves immune function

• Increases resilience and emotional regulation

  
  

At work, this translates into lower burnout, higher engagement and better collaboration. For individuals, it supports both mental and physical wellbeing — especially for those working alone, caring for others, or navigating life changes.

I still value my alone time deeply. But I also know that when I connect — properly and intentionally — I feel lighter, more grounded, more alive. Because no matter how comfortable we are on our own, we’re not meant to do life entirely solo.

Practical takeaways: building connection without forcing proximity

For organisations and leaders

• Design connection intentionally for remote and hybrid teams — don’t leave it to chance

• Create space for human conversation, not just performance updates

• Measure outcomes, not presence

• Make belonging everyone’s responsibility, not just HR’s

  
  

For individuals

• Seek out quality connection, not constant contact

• Schedule regular catch-ups with people who energise you

• Notice when isolation is creeping in — and respond with intention

• Allow yourself to need others, even if you’re independent and capable (work in progress for me!)

  
  

Connection isn’t about being surrounded by people all the time. It’s about trust, belonging and feeling that you matter — wherever you are, and whoever you’re with. I still value my independence and my quiet. But I also know that connection — chosen, meaningful connection — is part of what keeps us human. It’s how we are wired.

Can you start today and build in some more connection to your week, or reach out to someone who may be isolated?