Leading by Example

What Our Actions Say About Us

It’s often said that actions speak louder than words. We might talk about values, leadership, or kindness, but it’s the little things we do – day in and day out – that really tell people who we are. Whether in the workplace, at home, or with friends, leading by example is less about titles and more about behaviour.

The power of small, compassionate responses

We’ve all seen someone under pressure – a colleague juggling deadlines, a friend carrying invisible worries, or even the stranger who seems just that bit overwhelmed. In those moments, our response matters. Choosing to listen without judgement, offering a cup of tea, or even just acknowledging someone’s stress with a simple “I can see that’s tough” can make a world of difference.

This is not about having all the answers or “solving” someone’s problems. Leading with compassion means people will remember how you made them feel – respected, valued, and seen. As humans, we all have a basic need to feel seen and that need is rarely met. Small compassionate acts can be life-changing for you and others.

Leading by example isn’t about job titles, it’s about how we respond to people in everyday situations. Do we bring more tension, or do we bring calm and kindness?

At work, it’s the same. I’ve seen leaders who talk endlessly about “wellbeing” while firing off late-night emails. And I’ve seen ordinary team members quietly shift culture by taking their lunch break, encouraging others to do the same, and checking in on colleagues who seem overwhelmed.

Actions change culture (even in toxic environments)

Culture isn’t created by posters on the wall or words in a company handbook – it’s created by behaviour. I have worked with many organisations on wellbeing and mental health, and the ones that make a difference are those where the behaviours align with the words in the policy. It is not a tick-box exercise to look good.

Unfortunately, many workplace cultures are still toxic and sometimes senior leadership sets a poor example. They forget that people are their biggest asset. If people feel valued and supported, everything else will fall into alignment. But if it’s not coming from the top, every single one of us can quietly shift culture by how we show up.

Some thoughts on how you can do just that:

• Giving credit openly – when a colleague has done something well, highlight it in front of others rather than keeping it quiet. Recognition fosters trust and morale.

• Asking “How are you really?” – showing genuine interest in a colleague’s wellbeing rather than rushing into the task list.

• Being punctual and prepared – respecting other people’s time demonstrates reliability and professionalism.

• Keeping promises, however small – if you say you’ll send notes, share resources, or follow up, do it. Reliability sets a tone of integrity.

• Speaking up respectfully – challenging poor behaviour or unfair treatment in a calm, constructive way signals that respect matters more than hierarchy.

• Encouraging breaks – suggesting a quick walk, coffee, or fresh air instead of powering through helps normalise healthy habits.

• Using inclusive language – making sure everyone feels part of the conversation, especially quieter voices, shows that all perspectives are valued.

• Admitting mistakes – being open about errors rather than covering them up sets the example that learning is more important than perfection.

• Celebrating small wins – marking progress, not just big achievements, helps create a positive, motivated environment.

• Practising calm under pressure – choosing not to snap or panic during stressful times helps others feel steadier too.

  
  

These choices send signals. Over time, consistent kindness, respect, and integrity ripple outwards. Others notice – and often follow.

Leading in our relationships outside of work

Leadership isn’t only for the workplace. It’s in how we treat our partners, children, neighbours, and communities. Do we rush past people or take time to connect? Do we model patience, or snap when tired? Our behaviour at home and in our relationships is often the truest test of who we are.

Simple acts – keeping promises, apologising when we’re wrong, showing gratitude – are quiet but powerful forms of leadership.

Authenticity builds trust (at work and at home)

People can spot when behaviour and words don’t match. Being authentic doesn’t mean being perfect; it means being real. Admitting mistakes, asking for help, and showing vulnerability all help others trust us. Authenticity creates an environment where people feel safe to do the same.

And authenticity isn’t just for the workplace – it matters deeply in our personal lives too. At home, it’s often the small, honest behaviours that define us:

• Saying “I’m sorry” when we snap at a partner or child after a long day.

• Following through on promises, whether it’s a walk with a friend or turning up to a school play.

• Putting the phone away at dinner and being present with loved ones.

• Admitting when we’re struggling instead of pretending everything is fine.

• Showing gratitude for the little things – a meal cooked, a neighbour’s kindness, a child’s effort.

• Being consistent – the same person with family, friends, and colleagues, rather than wearing a mask in one setting and dropping it in another.

  
  

When we live authentically, people trust us. They feel safe to be themselves because they know we’re not pretending. And just like at work, those small actions build a culture – whether it’s in a family, a friendship group, or a community – of openness, respect, and kindness.

Wider community and world events

In a world that often feels divided and fuelled by noise, hate, and mistrust, authenticity and kindness are powerful forms of leadership. When our actions consistently reflect compassion, integrity, and respect, we set a different example – one that builds trust, bridges divides, and reminds people that humanity is stronger than hostility.

Not allowing that comment to pass from a family member because it might be awkward or sharing your opinions calmly and openly, even if they differ from others, are forms of authenticity.

You will not change everyone’s opinion, but you may just make one person think again, and be seen as someone who lives their values rather than follows the herd.

Every day gives us an opportunity to set the tone. What if, instead of waiting for leadership to change, we each chose to lead with kindness, authenticity, and consistency – in small ways that ripple out further than we realise?

Every action sends a message. The question is: what story are our behaviours writing about us – and is it the story we want others to read?

Want to explore what living authentically means to you? Join my 1 hour webinar, Authenticity as a Radical Act