Starting Over: When Procrastination Keeps Us Stuck

September has always felt a little like a new beginning to me. The summer is coming to an end, the children are heading back to school, routines start to return and there is often a feeling that we have a chance to press the reset button. Perhaps there are things you've been meaning to do.

• Start exercising again.

• Read that book.

• Make some changes at work.

• Get out more.

• Try something new.

  
  

September can give us that little push to think, Right, this is the month I'm going to start. But there is something that can get in the way of even the best intentions. Procrastination. And I know this one well. I can be very good at procrastinating

There are times when I can spend hours — sometimes days — researching. I might decide I need to do more exercise, so I start looking for a new class. Then I find one that looks interesting, but perhaps there is another one that might be better. So I search some more. Or I decide I should try something different to support my wellbeing. I start looking into different approaches and alternative treatments. There are so many possibilities that I can disappear down a rabbit hole of information. Or perhaps I decide I need to read more, so I spend ages looking for the right book. And before I know it, I've spent a huge amount of time researching what I might do...without actually doing anything.

• The class I was thinking about joining has started.

• The opportunity has passed.

• The book is still sitting unread.

• And I'm still thinking about what I should do.

  
  

I can laugh at myself when I notice I'm doing it, but I also know that there can be something more underneath it.

It's not always about lacking motivation

I think procrastination is sometimes misunderstood. It can look like laziness or a lack of motivation. But often it isn't. Sometimes we simply have too much choice. There are endless options available to us now. A quick search can give us hundreds of exercise classes, courses, books, therapies, holidays, jobs and ways of improving ourselves.

There is always another option to investigate.

But sometimes my procrastination has a different question underneath it.

• Will I fit in?

• Is this really right for me?

• What if I don't like it?

• What will people think?

• What if I make the wrong choice?

  
  

And perhaps, if I'm honest, sometimes there is a little bit of fear involved. It can feel much safer to keep researching the perfect opportunity than to actually take the risk of trying something.

• Because if I haven't started, I can't fail.

• I can't feel uncomfortable.

• I can't discover that I don't fit in.

• I can't make the wrong choice.

• The trouble is, I also can't discover that I might actually love it.

  
  

Procrastination can keep us small

I've noticed this in other areas of my life too.

• We can put off making a difficult phone call.

• Keep meaning to have that conversation.

• Wait until we're more confident before applying for something.

• Tell ourselves we'll start when we have more time.

• Wait for the perfect moment.

And sometimes that moment never comes. Procrastination can quietly keep us in the familiar. It can keep us small. This is something I've had to learn through my own experience of anxiety and depression. I have come a long way from where I once was. I have learnt so much about myself, my thoughts and my wellbeing, and I have built a life that I genuinely enjoy.

But that doesn't mean I never struggle. Old patterns can creep back in. Sometimes I notice that I'm overthinking again. Or avoiding something. Or spending far too much time researching instead of taking action. And I've learnt that I don't need to see this as starting from scratch. Sometimes I just need to start again.

So what can we do?

I've found it helpful to think about procrastination in a slightly different way. Rather than getting cross with myself for doing it, I try to get curious.

1. Notice it

The first step is simply awareness. What am I actually doing? Am I genuinely researching something I need to know? Or have I been looking for another option for the last two hours because I'm avoiding making a decision? That little moment of noticing can create a pause. And in that pause, we have a choice.

2. What is the procrastination protecting?

This is the bit I find particularly interesting. If I'm procrastinating, I try asking myself:

What am I worried might happen if I actually do this? Perhaps I'm worried I'll feel uncomfortable or I'll make the wrong choice. Maybe I'll look silly or discover that I'm not good at something. Perhaps I'm waiting for reassurance that the decision I'm making is the right one.

Understanding what sits underneath the procrastination can be much more useful than simply telling ourselves to stop procrastinating. Sometimes the behaviour is trying to protect us from something. And once we understand that, we can decide whether we still need that protection.

3. What happens if I just do it?

This is a question I come back to quite often. What would happen if I stopped researching and simply went? What is the worst that could happen?

• I might not like the exercise class.

• I might discover the book isn't for me.

• I might try something and decide not to continue.

• I might feel uncomfortable for an hour.

• But there is another possibility.

• I might enjoy it.

• I might meet someone lovely.

• I might discover something that works for me.

• I might feel proud that I actually did it.

And perhaps most importantly, I will know. Sometimes knowing is better than endlessly wondering. One of the things that has helped me is making the first step ridiculously small. I don't have to commit to changing my whole life. I just need to take one step.

• Instead of researching every exercise class in the area, choose one and book it.

• Instead of finding the perfect book, pick one from the shelf and read ten pages.

• Instead of spending another evening researching wellbeing approaches, try one thing.

• Instead of waiting until I feel motivated, put my shoes on and go for a walk.

• Instead of thinking about making that phone call, make the call.

And sometimes I give myself a deadline for deciding. I'm going to spend 20 minutes looking, then I'm choosing. Because there will nearly always be another option. There will nearly always be another review to read. Or another website. or class. At some point, we have to stop searching and start living.

What if it doesn't work?

This is another important part for me. We can sometimes think that taking action means we have to stick with whatever we've chosen. We don't. Trying something isn't a lifetime commitment.

• We can go to the class and decide we don't like it.

• Read half the book and put it down.

• Try something and discover it isn't for us.

• Change our minds.

• Start again.

That's not failure. That's information, and I think this is something I've become much better at over the years. I don't have to get everything right the first time.

Starting over again

Perhaps this is why I like September. It gives us an opportunity to start again. But I'm also trying to remember that I don't need a particular date to do that. We can start again on a Tuesday afternoon or after a difficult week or tomorrow morning.

I've had periods in my life where starting again felt incredibly difficult. Recovering from depression and anxiety wasn't about suddenly becoming a different person. It was about learning new ways of responding, taking small steps and gradually building confidence in myself again. And even now, when some of those old patterns creep back in, I don't see it as going back to the beginning. I have more tools now. I know myself better. I can recognise the signs sooner, and I can begin again.

Perhaps that's something we all need to remind ourselves of. You don't have to wait until you feel completely ready, or find the perfect solution. You don't need to make the perfect choice. Sometimes you just need to take the next small step.

A little challenge for September

So, as September brings that feeling of new beginnings, perhaps ask yourself:

• What have I been putting off?

• What might be underneath that?

• What am I trying to protect myself from?

• What might happen if I actually did it?

And finally: What's the smallest first step I could take? Not the whole journey. Just the first step. Because sometimes the biggest change isn't finding the perfect answer. It's simply stopping the search and beginning.

And if you don't manage it today? That's okay too. You can always start again tomorrow.

P.S After writing this, I tried a new class last night- it wasn't for me, but that's fine, I went, and I have a different one booked to try on Thursday.