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Writer's pictureTracy Douthwaite

Learning to Love Ourselves

Along with the importance of lifelong learning, as discussed in our recent blog, the other key learning component for supporting wellbeing is learning to like or, dare I even say, love ourselves!



It is interesting why we find this challenging. I can picture some of you reading this and thinking, "What rubbish, or how selfish, spending time on ourselves?" Stop for a moment and think about that. If we don’t care for and prioritise ourselves, how can we expect others to care for us? If we do not show our children that it is not selfish to care for yourself, how will they grow up? Exhausted, stressed, putting everyone’s needs before their own?


Why does this society make us feel it is selfish to care for the one person you will have a relationship with for your whole life? If we spent time getting to understand ourselves and being kinder and more supportive, maybe we would feel less stressed, more able to manage life, and, in turn, be there for others. Try some of these small steps to change your relationship with yourself and, in turn, be more present for others.


What do you enjoy?


How often do you do what you enjoy, things that bring you joy? Do you even know what those things are? It may seem ridiculous that I am asking that question, but we can drift into patterns in life that don’t serve us and don’t allow time for enjoyment, hobbies, seeing friends- whatever it is. List the things you like to do or would like to do, and then think about how often you do them. List everything big and small. Is there one thing you could do today or this week? This is the start of change.


Journal


Journalling is an excellent way of understanding ourselves. Without taking a step back from the rush of life, we can struggle to see patterns, understand why we are feeling stressed, and notice the triggers. This is not to blame, add shame or guilt, or get angry—just to bring into awareness what is happening in our lives. Starting a regular daily practice in the morning or evening helps you to build this awareness and make necessary changes. If this feels too much, start by doing it as and when you can; do not put yourself under more pressure. I have a guided journal on change here, which may be helpful.


Self-compassion


As we become aware of what is happening, it helps to bring self-compassion to our thoughts and feelings. Maybe we are feeling overwhelmed or not good enough—we all feel like this at times. It is part of being human, and it is okay; you are enough. Being kinder to yourself with your language and your actions can change how you feel.


In essence, self-compassion is showing ourselves the same kindness we would show our friends or family. Kristen Neff has some excellent self-compassion practices you may wish to try.


Boundaries


Learning to say no is key to carving out time and prioritising what is important to you. This can feel very challenging, especially if you are a people pleaser. It doesn’t mean you have to say no to everything, but you do need to boundary your time.


None of us can do everything, and by trying to, you become overwhelmed and then end up not being the best version of yourself. This impacts you and those you are trying to support or be a good friend towards. Saying no can improve your relationship with people, as when you do say yes, you can be more present as you feel less stretched. Find out more about how to change your relationship with boundaries in my blog here

 

Go on a date


Take yourself on a date. How would you spend the day? What would you like to do? Maybe try something you have never done before: go to an art gallery, sit in a park, or do something active. I do this regularly. I find it is a perfect way to tap into what I need at the moment but also explore new things. Some I like, some I don’t, and that is okay.


Values


Understanding our values and how they align with our life choices helps us manage our boundaries and make choices that support our sense of self. I wrote a blog exploring how to do this last year; you can read more here.


Finally


Remember, this is your life. How you spend your time and where you focus your attention determines how you will live your life, each minute, each hour, each day. Learning more about what you do and do not want and showing yourself kindness will enable you to lead a healthier, happier life.


You can start learning to love yourself today, try to take one small action.

Good Luck.

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